An Assortment of Holiday Gifts for Your Lovely Wife
By Esquire
Nope, not making this up! I was visiting Yahoo.com for some other, entirely unrelated reason such as looking up old ’80s rock videos or trying to find a Chinese restaurant within twenty miles of my house, and this article popped up instead. It’s hard to resist a headline like that, though it does give rise to immediate musings like the title of this post. “A paper bag for her head” comes to mind, or maybe in that case you just use this list to shop for your lovely mistress! Fascinatingly enough, there are no holiday gift shopping recommendations that I could find entitled, “An Assortment of Gifts for Your Handsome Husband.” Apparently there is no cultural need to tack a hawwtness rating to the male spouse; you should probably just be thanking your lucky stars that you have one at all.
After reading through the, er, assortment, it becomes clear that this particular gift guide is actually only useful to those men who are married to a cliche. For the rest of you guys, I strongly suggest you simply ask her what she wants. Because it’s probably not any of the ridiculous shit on this list. The winners, in my opinion:
